When we interact with others, we convey a great deal of information about ourselves through our body language. Such non-verbal signals may be quite unwitting – although the thoughts and attitudes they reflect are often all too conscious.
Much of the information that we get from body language is picked up unconsciously. We are often unable to identify quite why, after being with someone, we have been left with a particular impression of his or her mood. We might say, ‘ I felt he was upset, ‘without being able to say what has led us to this conclusion. Similarly, we all give out signals that offer clues to our moods without generally being aware of what we are doing. Some of these signals – such as many facial expressions – are so basic that they go back to a time before humans had language; others accompany our verbal utterances, adding to their meaning.
Body movement and speech
As we speak, we cannot help but move. Body movement is closely synchronized with speech – not just our hand gestures but all parts of the body. Even movements of the legs and the feet have been shown to be coordinated with speech.
This language of the body is both highly visible and silent. This can make it extremely useful. We can catch or hold people’s attention with flamboyant gestures; we can stress important words or phrases with a movement of the head, a raised eyebrow, or an emphatic gesture. Just as a picture may be worth a thousand words, miming an action may have a much greater impact or be more informative than a long verbal description. Some things are too delicate to put into words, but you may be able to express what you mean just with an appropriate hand movement or facial expression. Sometimes, we don’t want to put something into words for other people to hear, but because body language is silent, it is possible to catch someone’s eye or exchange a meaningful glance so that he or she gets the message.
How we mean others to take on remarks can also be conveyed through body language. What is intended as a joke may be indicated by a smile – and if you say something with a smile, you can get away with almost anything! Conversely, in deadpan humor, nonverbal indicators are withheld; deadpan achieves its effect because we are never quite sure how seriously it should be taken.
Emotions and body language
The ‘ body language of the face is of prime importance in communicating emotion. Even newborn babies are capable of producing virtually all the facial movements of an adult. At least six facial expressions of emotion are thought to be universal: happiness, sadness, surprise, disgust, anger, and fear are recognized in much the same way by members of different cultures throughout the world. The ability to make and recognize these expressions seems to be genetically programmed into us. While spontaneous expressions are almost certainly innate – and are a vital source of information about the feelings of others – posed expressions are learned. This idea is supported by the observation that children who are born blind have the same range of spontaneous facial expressions as sighted children. Still, they are less able to pose expressions of common emotions. This may be because they lack appropriate feedback on how well they are doing – just as people who are born deaf cannot easily learn to sing.
Once we learn to have some control over our facial expressions, we can conceal what we feel and even fake an expression of the opposite emotion. Some people are much better at this than others. There are those whose faces are an ‘ open book’ and others who conceal emotion behind a ‘poker face.’ Studies of gender differences show that women tend to express their feelings more openly than men. Cultural differences also affect the display of emotion. Traditionally, in Japan, there has been a taboo against the expression of negative emotions (such as anger) in public, whereas no such taboo exists in the USA. This can lead to difficulties in communication between people of different cultures if one is more expressive than another.
There are also significant differences between individuals when it comes to picking up signals from facial expressions. Some people are very wise, others much less so. Tests have been devised to assess nonverbal perceptiveness: where gender diligence is found, it invariably favors women. This, perhaps, is the foundation for women’s fabled intuition.
Interpersonal relationships
Body language is important in interpersonal relationships. Some people even define the quality of their relationships in terms of body language – by the warmth of a smile, the tenderness of a touch, or the intensity of a kiss. Body language is important at every stage of sexual relationships.
People flirt through body language, ‘ making eyes at one another, tacitly signaling whether or not an approach is welcome. Happily married couples are better at decoding one another ‘s nonverbal messages than an unhappily married couple; in one study, unhappy couples very sho\vto decode non-verbal messages from total strangers more accurately than from each other. Researchers who study divorce have found that unhappy couples who display facial expressions of contempt or disgust in one another’s presence are heading for marital breakdown.
Just as body movement is synchronized with speech, so too is it synchronized with the movements of others. Even strangers who are walking along a crowded pavement coordinate their movements – if they did not, they would bump into one another. Body language also provides important clues to the nature of relationships between people. Observers can guess the identity of an unseen conversational partner from the body language of one participant alone. Even very young children are able to do this; for example, they can accurately identify whether their mother is conversing with a friend or a stranger. When people get on well together, they tend to initiate each other’s postures. Conversely, if someone wants to dissociate themselves from a certain group or indicate their superior status, they may do so by using dissimilar postures.
Dody’s language can provide important clues to social status. People of superior status tend to be more relaxed, whereas those of inferior status tend to be tenser in the presence of their superiors. In the context of a group, the most important person is often the one who is looked to or at by other group members. Gaze may also be used by a person of superior status as a means of exerting influence 0 1 other people – for example, by displaying approval or disapproval.
Practical applications
interpersonal communication can now be taught, learned, and improved through what is known as communication skills training. This typically includes instruction in body language. Such training has been used in many different contexts: as a form of occupation, in training (with groups such as teachers, doctors, nurses, and police officers), in employment interviews, as a therapy for psychiatric patients, and for improving intercultural communication. For example, some cultures prefer to converse at close distances, whereas others prefer to keep greater distances between themselves – they are literally ‘standoffish ‘. Communication between members of different cultures can be difficult if people are unaware of these preferences. There are stories of international gatherings where people virtually chase one another around the room, trying to establish a comfortable, conversational distance. Training in intercultural communication seeks to increase awareness of such differences and encourage ‘ mindfulness when interacting with people of different nationalities.
However, the practical significance of studying body language goes well beyond such formal instruction. Even reading a short article like this may be influential. By highlighting the fine details of social interaction, it becomes much easier for people to be conscious of and change their behavior if they so desire. By heightening awareness of the importance of body language, people may change the way they think about communication. We may not always be conscious of our body language or the clues we receive from other people, but it is all around us, and its significance is, therefore, those who have the eyes to see it.
Close relations
Studies have confirmed that [ happily married couples are particularly good at reading one another ‘s nonverbal signs. The sympathetic body language of this couple reveals that they probably enjoy a close and happy relationship.
Social standing
Body language can reveal status within a social hierarchy. Here, the relatively tense stance of the more junior worker on the left contrasts with the typically relaxed posture of her more senior colleague.
Pupil Dilation
The pupils of the eyes dilate in response to the loss of light, but they also dilate under the influence of strong emotion. Star-crossed lovers gazing into one another’s eyes may have very enlarged pupils, but so too may someone enraged or absolutely terrified. Unlike most forms of body language, we cannot directly control the size of our pupils so that they can be an important source of information about emotion. It is said that Chinese jade dealers would gaze into another’s eyes in order to see how keen the other was to close a bargain. In this way, they could secure a good price – unless, of course, they were bargaining at dusk when the fading light could lead them to some mistaken conclusions!
Voice Matching
Matching your speech style to that of someone you are speaking to is the verbal equivalent of mirroring body language. Its effect is to build harmony between you and the other person. It entails listening carefully to what the other person is saying, noticing the words he or she emphasizes, and using one or two of them in your speech in an affirmative way. This gives the personal assurance that he or she is being listened to – and understood. Matching the tone and speed of delivery is also important. If you want to disengage from a conversation – to end a phone call, for example – try deliberately mismatching your voice. This will give a ‘go-away’ signal without the person consciously knowing why.
